Writing Was Easier Before

I made a comment on a friend's blog the other day - Writing was so much easier before I started worrying about publishing. 

And the more I thought about it, the truer it seemed.  Before I started publishing, I just wrote.  I mean, publishing was always the end goal, but there was so much between writing and publishing - landing an agent, finding a publisher, editing, hoop jumping, etc. - that I never really let the idea of publication get in my way.  It would either happen or it wouldn't.

Now?  It feels like I have to worry whether every word I write is publishable.  If this is something anyone will want to buy.  If I'm going to hit the market with the right thing at the right time.  And then, I have to think about getting on my editor's schedule and whether I can pay her.  And I have to think about whether my artist will have room for me in her schedule and paying her.  (Last I knew, she was booking cover art for the middle of next year.)   Formatting.  Marketing.  Reviews.  Business stuff instead of creative stuff.

The stuffs are all very heavy.  And I feel like the weight of it all might've crushed me flat.  Flat words, flat prose, flat descriptions... flat books filled with flat stories.

The other day I might've mentioned I was working on a short story.  Kind of a Christmas thing set in the genie world.  Oh, it's a great idea and I was tapping out words again.  Then it occurred to me that even if I get this finished, I would still need a cover, and like I said, my cover artist for that series is booking for next year.  And the word tapping died.  Literally just withered up and died.  The ideas are still there, but the will to write them dried up.

I used to write scads of words.  On a good day, I am capable of cranking out like 1500 words an hour.  This year?  Even the crickets don't want to talk to me. 

So, there's NaNo, or some form of it, fast approaching.  It would be good for me.  To just write with wild abandon like I used to.  Write without worrying whether any of it will be publishable.  Write without caring whether anyone will buy it or read it, love it or hate it.  Write without thinking whether the book will be in one of my current series.  Without having to think whether the characters are behaving the way they've always behaved in earlier books.  No researching.  No flipping back through series bibles to maintain continuity.  Just words on paper building a totally new story.

I'm still not sure whether I'm going to do it, but it's getting more attractive by the day.  It's like the idea of jumping on the back of a fast horse and just letting her run to wherever she wants to go - no saddle, no reins.  Clutching her mane and squealing in delight (or sheer terror) as she flies over the ground.

Now, I just have to keep myself from thinking about it too much or worrying about it at all.  If I'm going to do it, I need to wipe my brain clear of all the publishing stuff and just write.

Won't that be grand?