I Am Insane.

As you all probably know, I've been at this full-time writing thing for almost 15 years now.  (I started writing my first book 15 years ago in January, but I didn't start writing full time until July - after I got married and quit my job.) 

I started my self-publishing journey in November of 2014 when I sent Dying Embers off to a paid editor.  DE was published in February of 2015 and we were off to the races.

I fully expected this venture to start funding itself within a year.  Yeah, I was naive (and probably insane).  But I sincerely didn't think it was too big a goal.  I wasn't asking to be rich, but I was hoping my writing would stop being a drain on the family finances.  That didn't happen.

In 2017, I started doing contract spreadsheet stuff or the pay-job, as I like to call it.  Which was good, because then I could stop draining the fundage and pay for publishing stuff myself.  Albeit still not with much of the money coming from the actual books.  2017 sales were horrible. 

2018 went better - mainly because I now had money to put toward advertising and I published four new books, too. 

Now, here I am staring down the barrel of 2019.  And as I sit here in the middle of a crappy sales month where my page reads are pathetic, and looking back at all the money I've spent on publishing, I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing. 

A couple weeks ago, someone told me about a job - one where I would be drawing a steady paycheck with full bennies - and I have to admit, the whole thing sounded very attractive to me.  I mean, the pay's not great but it would be pay.  And the bennies... :swoon:  If you've ever had to write checks to pay for your own health insurance, you understand.  The premiums are ungodly.  Every quarter, I cringe.  Especially since the (Un)Affordable Healthcare Act came into being.  Ugh.

And I got to thinking that this is insane.  Writing, I mean.  Working for hours and hours on a book, writing it, editing it, re-editing it, publishing it, marketing it... For what?  So I can sit here and watch sales trickle in?  (Or not as the case often is.)

So, that might explain why in my Sunday Updates, you'll see I haven't done much of anything.  I'm stuck in the riptide again.  And I can't seem to break free.  Or even have the presence of mind to swim parallel to the shore until I can get myself to safety.

The sane thing to do would be to take that job.  With the craptastic labor pool around here, I'm a shoe-in.  Hell, the simple fact that I can pass a background check and a drug test puts me way ahead of most of the other applicants.  I'm personable.  I'm literate.  And the fact that I have a sales background wouldn't hurt. 

But no.  I'll keep doing this.  I'll keep doing this until I can't stand it anymore.  I will get back to editing Ugly and the Beast, and then I'll pour more money down that hole.  And I'll hope.  Because that's all I can do.

Because, as I've long suspected, I am insane.