Doing the Job

It seems like I've come around to that time again,  You know the time... when I sit here wondering why I bother to write books and wondering whether my time would be better spent  by getting a job outside the house.  

Of course, who would hire me?  I haven't worked outside my home in 17 years.  

Seventeen years...  I've been writing now for SEVENTEEN YEARS.  God, that's depressing.  

Yes, I know.  I have sixteen books published.  And umpteen others in various states of finished.  It's not like I haven't done anything.  But if I had an employee who was so sporadic in her efforts, I'd have fired her years ago.  Hit the road, you lazy bitch.

So, yeah, I looked at jobs.  Writing, editing, proofing... you need a degree.  Umm...  I don't have one of those.  And I haven't been able to write to spec since I worked for other people (and even then, it was like pulling teeth).  Editing/Proofing other people's work?  Well, that would be fine if it was for other people I like who write the stuff I like.  I'm at the point in my life where I can't stomach reading stuff I don't like written by people I don't like.  

Why yes, I would like some cheese...

Anyway, I'm thinking housekeeping would be an awesome job right now.  Loads of places around here - resorts and things - are hiring housekeepers and the pay isn't too bad.  

Or I could just get up off my lazy ass and get back to writing.  The pay sucks and the benefits are for shit, but it's my job.  Maybe I need to get back to treating it like one.

I Don't Have It

I don't have what it takes.  There, I said it. 

When we're watching sports, Hubs often says 'okay, let's see who wants to win', meaning who's hungry enough to get the job done and win the event. 

I am not hungry enough. 

I've read the books about how to be successful at this.  I've read blog posts on what successful authors are doing.  I know what it is I'm supposed to do.

If I were hungry enough, I would do whatever it took* to generate book sales.  If I had what it took, I would be here at my computer more often and for longer periods of time, writing and editing and marketing - until book sales were streaming in.

I'd join groups and be active in them.  I'd get a membership to RWA or ITW, and be active in those.  I'd get social.  I'd do things in person - like attending conferences and holding book signings.  I'd get out there in the world.

I'd be active on forums.  Not just pimping my books there - which would make me irritating as all get out - but getting to know the people on them and letting them get to know me.  Offering advice and accepting it.  Being funny.  Being friendly. 

There are so many other things I could be doing to be successful, and I know what they are, but I am not doing them.  This is not the behavior of someone who has what it takes.

I sit and think about the things I could be doing, should be doing, but that's about as far as it gets.  So, I guess I should quit my bitching.  If I was really committed to this, I'd do more to make it happen. 

Oh, I could throw out a million excuses.  I have pay-job work to do.  Or I'm 'not feeling it'.  Or Lack of sales is depressing the shit out of me. Or I don't have the money to do what I need to do.  Wah wah wah.  In the end, though, I have chosen this.  I choose to not be 'out there'.  I choose to let things interfere with the writing and the editing and the marketing. 

And yes, I know people are out there doing everything they can do and they're still not seeing the sales. At least they're trying.  If you try everything you can, and you're still not seeing sales, you can still hold your head up. 

So, yeah, quitcher bitchin', Meissner**.  Or get to work and do what you can do... what you're willing to do... and get the hell over yourself.  Accept your fate.

Except I've never been good at accepting my fate. 


* Within reason and legal/ethical boundaries, of course.
** I call myself by my maiden name when I'm giving myself a good talking to.