Blurby McBlurberson

 Here's the blurb I came up with for SONG OF STORM AND SHROUD.  It sucks, but I think you get the general idea...

Before anyone who lives in these lands was born, the Great Lady created the Shrouds and locked away those beings who would bring harm to her children.  Since then the Lady sleeps and while she sleeps, the Shrouds decay, loosing monsters upon the innocents.  Their only hope lies with the mages.

Aryl never wanted to be a mage, but the Lady chose to gift him and when the King's envoy arrives seeking those with the gift, he has no choice but to comply.  Thrust into the Academy to train with other young folk like him, he longs only for his home and the twin he left behind. 

The Lady could grant both of his wishes, but the cost may be higher than he expected to pay.  With Lyra beside him, they will learn to use their combined magics to fight and win.  But when visions of a dragon and destruction tear them away from their training, their meager skills may not be enough to save their home, let alone sufficient to save the Shroudlands.   

Yeah, I know, but I am clueless when it comes to writing blurbs.  Especially this one.  Do your worst.  One way or another I have to have something to toss up as marketing copy when I upload the book.  

On another note, I found something in the manuscript last night that I think requires an explanation I hadn't provided before.  Derp.  I'm working on it now.  If I can stop the distractions, that is.  It's a very distracty-full morning.

I'm still hoping to have this live on or before April 1st.  I worked on it all morning yesterday, took the afternoon off, and got back at it after dinner.  I want all my books to be the best they can be, but this one especially.  And, if you haven't written fantasy, it's probably the hardest genre to nail.  I know it's the hardest book I've ever worked on.

Anyway, I should toddle off and see if I can't weave this thing in and make it seamless.    

The Blurb Saga

I gave Hubs the first go at the blurb.  He was very diplomatic.  Which means it sucked*.  I knew it sucked, so it wasn't a big surprise.  I was just having a tough time discerning HOW it sucked and thus, make it not suck.  Pushing past his diplomacy, I got to the root of the problem - it wasn't tight and grabby.  (My words, not his.)  

I thought about how to fix it.  I sat down last night and wrote three slightly different versions.  And I gave them to him.  Poor man.  He read one and set it aside immediately.  The other two he looked over carefully and told me either one would work for him.  

I thought about the two he chose, considering the merits of both, and tweaked a bit.  Here's what I have...

Sara Hughes is dead.

Sara had plans to take her own life. The coroner claims she died in her sleep.  Her daughter fears she was murdered.  Once Duke Noble, P.I. confirms his suspicions, he's hot on the trail of a killer. But with so many likely suspects, who will get nabbed for the crime?  The bully who expects to inherit everything?  The spineless toady with the grasping wife?  The outrageous divorcée?  Duke is a man able to take on whatever the world throws at him, but this time, he's facing something much harder to dodge than bullets and fists… His past. 

Eh, it's not bad.  Obviously, I'm still not 100% satisfied, but I have to have something ready to go by the time I finish the proofing and the formatting.  

So, the question is: If you read that, would you be encouraged to buy the book?

*After nearly 17 years, I've learned Hubs only gets 'very diplomatic' when he's trying not to hurt my feelings.  I told him 'you can't hurt my feelings... I already think it sucks.  I just don't know how it sucks so I can fix it'.  At which point, he told me and I thanked him for his input.  He's so sweet.

Blurble

I'm not sure I know of any writer who enjoys writing the back cover copy (or blurb) for their own books.  If you're out there and reading this, raise your hand if you enjoy it.  Okay, you're dismissed.

Personally, I am not a fan.  I can't seem to muster any joy in taking a 63K word story and boiling into 150 clever words that will make people want to buy and read my book.  There's so much I want a potential reader to know about the story.  Add this?  Subtract that?  Oh, and they probably want to know X, but there isn't room for it.  

Of course, I was the kid in school who sucked at book reports.  Write about what's important?  Well, it's all important.  Duh.

Give me somebody else's blurb to edit?  I'm there, baby.  

In the end, it's kind of how I have to approach my own blurbs.  Write the damn thing, spew it out if I have to, and then set it aside.  Come back to it later and look at it like it's not MY blurb.  

Right now, I have 5 versions of the blurb for CU.  Since yesterday.  Here's the latest one:

This could get ugly.

Former supermodel Jeni Braxxon had been certain life couldn't get any more shit-tastic.  Due to the curse turning her, the hottie with a naughty body, into someone so gruesome Frankenstein's monster would run screaming, she's unemployed and soon-to-be homeless. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, the SSA is trying to snatch her birthright, steal the children, and force her into bankruptcy with their damn bureaucratic bullshit. Oh, and a lunatic sorcerer with world domination in mind might be running the show. 

But Jeni's not a gal who'll take this crap lying down.  Well, not for long anyway.  With the help of her weird friends and her bizarre pets, she needs to kick some ass, rescue the kids, and save the world.  A big task for a college dropout who thought she could get by on looks alone.

:shrug:  141 words.  It needs work.  I know I'm trying to stuff too much in there, but it all feels necessary.  I need to get over it and come up with something soon.  Or run with this thing.  Or one of the other versions. 

I'm drowning in blurbs.  Blurble.

Yep, Slight Delay

Okay, so the possible delay has turned into a definite delay.  Sorry about that, folks.  My grasp exceeded my reach this time.  Don't despair, though.  It'll be done by Monday at the latest.

It's a good thing I'm doing this.  Man, am I finding a lot of typos that I unintentionally inserted as I was fixing other things.  Blerg.  On the bright side, they're getting gone, bit by bit.  As of last night, I had done through pg 146 of 231 pages.  And I'm fixing the errors in batches along the way, so I won't have to do them all when I finish reading, which will save time. 

I'd be further along if I didn't blow Wednesday all to hell by going grocery shopping.  I was wiped out for the rest of the day there.  One thing I did get done Wednesday was the blurb - pre-shopping, of course. 

Jeni Braxxon’s life as a up-and-coming supermodel hit the skids when she found herself cursed.  The asshole who did this to her is rotting in jail, but the curse remains, leaving her as ugly as the north end of a southbound warthog.  Every damn night.  

As if this case of the gruesomes and her impending unemployment wasn’t enough for a gal with serious esteem issues, someone snatches her nephew.  The fight is on to find the boy before something seriously heinous happens.  With the help of her friends and a bit of beastly assistance, Jeni will face down anything this plane or the next throws at her.  If she’s lucky, she might just make it out alive.

And another thing I did was add a series title to the book covers.  I'm going with... drumroll... A Model Curse.  It was the only one I wrote down during brainstorming that didn't suck mightily and was short enough to fit on the covers without being super small.

Succinct and cute.  At least, I think so.  It's pretty much set in stone now, so if you think it's lame, keep it to yourself, k?  (Set in stone because I'm tired of thinking about it and I don't want to have to redo the covers again.)

Right now, it's sitting at about 65K words.  That'll expand some as I put in front and back matter during formatting, but that's the meat of the story without the sauce. 

Again, sorry about the delay.  I'd blame the chaos, but this last delay is on me.  I'll let y'all know when it goes live.  Until then, have a great day and an awesome weekend.  =o)

More Randomness

The five-days-free thing for UNEQUAL ended last night.  I moved 99 copies and it reached as high as 54th in free dystopian.  We'll see if any page reads come of this.  If nothing else, there are 99 people in the world with the opportunity to read and enjoy it.

I'm up to 27516 words on Cinder Ugly.  It would be more, but I took Friday off to watch Live PD and then the yardwork I did Saturday screwed up my wrists enough that I took that night off, too.  There's a pivotal scene coming up next and I have no idea what's gonna happen.  Should be fun writing.

I started work on the blurb for Ugly and the Beast.  Here's what I've got so far:

Jeni Braxxon’s life as a up-and-coming supermodel hit the skids when she got cursed.  The asshole who did this to her is rotting in jail, but the curse remains, leaving her as ugly as the north end of a southbound dump truck every damn night.  Still, she’s trying desperately to hold onto her old life.  As if this case of the gruesomes and impending unemployment wasn’t enough for a gal with serious esteem issues, someone snatches her nephew.  The fight is on to find the boy before something seriously heinous happens to him.  With the help of her friends and a magical cat, Jeni will face anything this world or the next throws at her.  If she’s lucky, she might just make it out alive.

Yeah, it's pretty rough, but you get the idea of what goes on, so it's not totally lame.  Or is it?  I'll keep working on it.

UatB is at the readers and so far, I'm feeling good about it.  We'll see if that holds once the responses start to come back. 

I tell ya, it's nice to be working again.  The writing is flowing pretty well and with it, excitement for other stuffs keeps popping into my head.  But I'm staying focused.  Fingers crossed the excitement is still there when I sit down to write SCIU #4 or DH #3.

Oh, and I did some pricing stuffs this weekend.  I raised the prices on Sleeping Ugly, Accidental Death, and Natural Causes to $3.99.  When Ugly and the Beast comes out, it'll be $3.99, too.  Just trying to get my books in line with the market and each other.

I hope y'all aren't bored with this random stuff, but it seems like the only stuff I can hold in my head long enough to write an entire post. 

How are things with you? 

Updates and Stuffs

I'm getting excited.  This is so close to being a real thing.  Since I already have a cover, all this is going to take is the final bits of editing and proofreading, and a blurb (gah, blurbs), and it'll be ready to send off into the world.  Woohoo!  and barf.

I really have no idea what I'm going to write for the blurb.  I'll have to put on my blurbing cap and hammer this out.  Soon.  :panics a little:

Speaking of blurbs, I'm not necessarily good at writing them, but I can spot a bad one for someone else's book like a laser guided missile.  And I've seen some stinkers lately.  They're usually written with either too much information or not enough.  When I'm looking for a book to buy, I need basic plot, main character, conflict.  I do not need to know their life story up to this point.  Probably something I should keep in mind when I write my own blurbs. 

Oh, and for the love of all you find holy, PROOFREAD your blurbs before you post them in public.  Nothing turns me off of a book quicker than a blurb with errors that could've been fixed if the author had taken the time to go over the damn thing again.  If someone can't proof a paragraph or two, I can't hold out much hope for an entire book.  Harsh, but true.  Of course, I'm more forgiving in a manuscript.  60-100K words to proof is a lot harder than a couple paragraphs.

Over the weekend, someone read Blink of an I in KU.  This morning, there's a new rating for it on Goodreads.  A 3-star.  Which would bum me out except I hopped over to their page and it seems like all the books they read they give 3-stars or less.  I'm taking it as a win.  It's all about perspective. Anyway, I hope they enjoyed it enough to read Unequal next.

Speaking of Unequal, it'll be free for a few days next week.  And I set up a sale for the SCIU books for the week after. 

Once I get an idea of publication dates and junk for Ugly and the Beast, I'll probably have a sale for Sleeping Ugly to kick off the release.  Woohoo.  I'm hoping for end of March, but time frames depend on other people and since other people are doing me a favor, I'm not pushing anyone for a speedy delivery.  They have lives, too, and their own work, and I'd be a shit if I was all like 'I need this yesterday'.  Cuz I don't.  It'll happen when it happens.  I'm totally chill.

While my beloved elves are busy marking up my manuscript, I'll be writing Cinder Ugly.  I posted the beginning of it over at Silver's blog on Wednesday, if you're interested. 

Any questions?  Got anything you want to update the world about?  How's things?

Unequal Blurb Draft

It's Monday.  And my brain is wrapped up with getting Unequal ready for you all to read it.  On that note, here's a rough blurb I came up with over the weekend.  Not sure if this is the one I'll use, but it should give you an idea of what the book is about.

In a world where any little difference makes you a target, Rue Logan lives in fear of getting branded Unequal and disappeared like so many others.  But it doesn’t stop her from fulfilling her life’s mission.  She always dreamed of being a doctor, but the Department of Equalization had other plans.  Now, she works her assigned job as a janitor by day and skulks the hospital corridors at night, saving lives.  

Until the DOE catches her.

On the run, Rue finds others like her, working in secret to achieve their goals and live their lives.  But their leader has a mission of his own.  War may be brewing.  And even though Rue’s taken an oath to do no harm, she may end up in the middle of the battle.

Meh.  It works, but it's not good.  Meanwhile, let's look at the pretty cover again:

I Haz a Sad

Yesterday, I was scrolling through my newsfeed stopping here and there to check out new-to-me books in the marketing listings.  Which I am wont to do on a lazy Sunday morning.  Especially when I had to DNF a book the night before.  (A whole other sad, lemme tell ya.)

Along the way, I saw a book that looked interesting along with a plea from the author with hopes people would find and love their book as much as they loved writing it.  Sounds like a plea I'd make, and I'm always on the hunt for underappreciated authors, so I clicked the link.  No reviews.  Okay.  A ranking approaching 3,000,000th.  Oh, no.  Poor thing.  Read the marketing copy...

First off, the marketing copy could've worked for any generic fantasy novel written by anyone, it was so unspecific.  It told me nothing about the book I was thinking about buying other than it was another brother n sister fantasy book in which they'd be discovering things and fighting things or some such blah.

So, I did the 'Look inside' thing.  First person... okay.  But the beginning reads like a note from the author telling the reader what they're going to find inside and it really didn't sound interesting.  a few paragraphs later, scene break.  Okay, I thinks to meself, time for the story to start.  Nope, not really.  The beginning was a hot mess.  MC goes to find his sister at the mall and ends up somewhere else.  BAM!  There you are at a pivotal moment.  No lead in whatsoever.  Over the course of like two paragraphs.

And here's the kicker.  The book shows it has a publisher* (one I've never heard of, so it may just be that the author made up a publisher name himself - which I hope he has a DBA for) and it's listed at $6.99.

New author, first book, unknown publisher... $7 ebook.  Umm, no.  I'm not willing to take that kind of chance with my money.  And judging from the sales ranking, neither is anyone else.  As poor as my sales have been throughout the past 4 years, I have never had a ranking that low.  Hell, I don't think I've ever seen a ranking that low in all the time I've been buying books at Amazon.

Now, as bad as the sum of my experiences with the beginning of this book were, I might've given it a chance at 99c.  I'm a sucker for the underdog sometimes.  His heartfelt plea tugged at my self-published author soul.  But my pocketbook is a hard-hearted thing.  I can support several other new authors for the price of his book (at 99c to $3.99 ea - which about all I'm willing to pay to take a chance).

All of the above is what gave me a sad.  I can see this struggling new author wringing his hands and wondering why the book of his heart is dying in the cold light of reader opinion.  He may never write another book.  And that makes me sad.  Because even as bad as it was in the beginning, there was something there that made me wonder if, perhaps, it wasn't such a bad book after all.  With some editing.  And a a bit of marketing finesse on the cover copy.  (Kind of like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.  All it needs is a little love to be beautiful.)

I would've told him this in his initial post to the marketing group, but these days you can't be sure when a bit of constructive criticism will make you a target for psycho.  So, while I can't help him directly, maybe this post will serve as a cautionary tale to other new writers.  Don't do the things that this guy did. 


*If the publisher listed is an actual publisher, they should be horsewhipped for what they're doing to this poor kid.  (Yeah, I wouldn't say kid except his bio says something about him graduating high school in 2010.  A year older than my daughter.  So, he's a kid to me.  And another thing - don't put high school stuff in your bio.  Just don't.) 

Coming Soon!

Okay, so for the past couple weeks, you've been seeing a coming soon thing over on the right there.  It's brown and it's boring, but it got the job done until I had a cover to show you.

Well, I have a cover to show you now!

And back cover copy! 

Looks aren’t everything…  And curses aren’t real… Yeah, right. 

Burgeoning supermodel, Jeni Braxxon is all about fun parties, cold drinks, and hot guys. But when she wakes up one morning as ugly as an infectious baboon’s butt, she understands how real this curse business can be. Too bad for Jeni, uncovering the existence of magic in her mundane world won’t uncover who cast this heinous spell or why. With the list of people she could’ve pissed off lately, the possibilities seem endless.

And as if she wasn’t already up shit’s creek, bigger worries keep slapping her upside her ugly head. Like her jerkstick brother’s disappearance, and why the police are trying to lay the blame at her pretty, pink feet. This is all way too much for a gal who lives by her looks, but she doesn’t really have any other choice. Higher stakes are on the line and, pretty damned cursed or not, she’s got to make it right.

Even if it kills her.
---------------------

I'm still on track to have this out on August 29th.  I'm hoping to get the edits completed in time to put it up for pre-order on the 18th, but that's iffy.  We'll see.

And I'll have a Goodreads listing up shortly.  Stop back later for a link so you can Want to Read it.  Here's the Goodreads link.

I really hope you guys like this one.  It's definitely snarky and fun. 

Blurb and Cover for Early Grave

Okay, with around a month or so until the publication of Early Grave, I figured it was about time to write a blurb (or back cover copy, if you will). 

Here's what I've got...

You’re never too old to die.

Nurse’s aide, Tess Harper finds great joy in helping the elderly. If helping them into their graves a tad early is any sort of help at all.  But she’s not doing it out of the kindness of her heart.  There’s no angel here, only death.  And she’s got the perfect prey.  Old people die all the time.

When the SCIU gets a request for assistance, Agent Ned Washington is on the case.  The local PD aren’t even sure they have a serial killer in their midst, but Ned will soon learn the truth. Dozens of old people have died throughout the city’s network of nursing homes, and there’s nothing natural about any of their deaths  The hunt is on and Ned’s got a killer to stop before she sends more innocent victims to an early grave.  

Grabby?  Not grabby?   Misplaced commas anywhere?  

And in case you missed it, here's the cover...

I'm shooting for a release on April 20th, but no later than the 25th.  So, about a month from now.  I can't wait to have this one out there for y'all to read.