It Ain't Easy But It's Necessary

Writing every day ain't easy, lemme tell ya.  There are days when the world has had its way with you.  There are days when you're just tired.  There are days when the words just won't come out.  There are days when you spent 7 minutes kneading pizza dough earlier and now your hands/wrists/arms hurt too much to want to type.  (Oh, wait, that last one is just me.)

Previously, when any of those types of days happened, I would give myself a pass and not write that day.  I'm the CEO of this business.  I can give myself a day off. 

Except one day off leads to two days off and two days off leads to...  You get the gist.  And genuine reasons for taking a day off lead to excuses for taking a day off.  'My hands are killing me today' as a reason turns into 'I'm a little sore' as an excuse.  And the next thing you know, you haven't written a damn word for weeks... err, months. 

At least that's how it works for me.

So, this month, no matter how I feel physically or mentally, I'm writing every day.  Sure, it's not always a lot of words.  That 300-something day, oddly enough, wasn't due to anything but that the story wasn't talking to me.  I ended up forcing it to talk and got the 300+.  Right now, I'm averaging just under 950 words a day.  That seems about right, seeing as I was shooting for about 1K a day.  And more than that in a session makes my hands hurt. 

One day, I was totally not in a place where I wanted to write.  Everything was coming at me in a perfect storm for not writing, so I decided to give myself a pass.  Then, long about bedtime, the guilt hit me.  I made it perfectly clear I was going to write every day.  Not every day unless something made me not want to write.  Lucky for me, the cat helped there.  I ended up not going to bed because the cat decided she didn't want to pee at the time I wanted her to pee.  And since I was up and the house was quiet, I sat my ass down at the keyboard and wrote.  Not a lot of words and not great words, but I got words out. 

Writing every day ain't easy.  But it's necessary.  For me.  At this particular time and place.  Get the words out and get them down.  Finish the damn book that's been waiting to be finished for months now.  And I will do it.

Caught Up in the Crazy

Now would seem like the perfect time to get some writing and editing done.  There's nowhere to go.  No sports on TV - unless you enjoy curling.  Hell, here it's even been pouring rain so outside activities are suspended.  I should be here with my butt in the chair, working away. 

But no.  My stupid brain is so caught up in this carnival of crazy that I can't seem to make myself focus on the things I need to do.

For example:  Last night, at about 2:15am, a lightning crack woke me up out of a sound sleep.  After I got up and did my stuff and the cat's stuff, I couldn't get back to sleep because my brain switched over to 'what if we lose power?  I have a month's worth of meat in the freezer.  :panicpanicpanic:'  So it's little wonder I can't shift into work mode during the day.

To that end, I'm glad I didn't set a date for release yet.  I'd have to delay it.  I can't promise anything right now.  I thought I was scatterbrained before.  This makes the old me seem like a stable person.  Blerg.

On the upside, I had an interesting thing happen yesterday.  A wildlife photographer I follow on FB had set up a Pinterest page and was asking for help, so I commented.  And then someone commented on my comment.  And then she liked my FB Page.  And then she bought four of my books.  Wow.  I guess you never know where sales will come from, eh?

So, where's your head at these days?  Caught up in the crazy?  Keeping calm and carrying on? 

I Am Insane.

As you all probably know, I've been at this full-time writing thing for almost 15 years now.  (I started writing my first book 15 years ago in January, but I didn't start writing full time until July - after I got married and quit my job.) 

I started my self-publishing journey in November of 2014 when I sent Dying Embers off to a paid editor.  DE was published in February of 2015 and we were off to the races.

I fully expected this venture to start funding itself within a year.  Yeah, I was naive (and probably insane).  But I sincerely didn't think it was too big a goal.  I wasn't asking to be rich, but I was hoping my writing would stop being a drain on the family finances.  That didn't happen.

In 2017, I started doing contract spreadsheet stuff or the pay-job, as I like to call it.  Which was good, because then I could stop draining the fundage and pay for publishing stuff myself.  Albeit still not with much of the money coming from the actual books.  2017 sales were horrible. 

2018 went better - mainly because I now had money to put toward advertising and I published four new books, too. 

Now, here I am staring down the barrel of 2019.  And as I sit here in the middle of a crappy sales month where my page reads are pathetic, and looking back at all the money I've spent on publishing, I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing. 

A couple weeks ago, someone told me about a job - one where I would be drawing a steady paycheck with full bennies - and I have to admit, the whole thing sounded very attractive to me.  I mean, the pay's not great but it would be pay.  And the bennies... :swoon:  If you've ever had to write checks to pay for your own health insurance, you understand.  The premiums are ungodly.  Every quarter, I cringe.  Especially since the (Un)Affordable Healthcare Act came into being.  Ugh.

And I got to thinking that this is insane.  Writing, I mean.  Working for hours and hours on a book, writing it, editing it, re-editing it, publishing it, marketing it... For what?  So I can sit here and watch sales trickle in?  (Or not as the case often is.)

So, that might explain why in my Sunday Updates, you'll see I haven't done much of anything.  I'm stuck in the riptide again.  And I can't seem to break free.  Or even have the presence of mind to swim parallel to the shore until I can get myself to safety.

The sane thing to do would be to take that job.  With the craptastic labor pool around here, I'm a shoe-in.  Hell, the simple fact that I can pass a background check and a drug test puts me way ahead of most of the other applicants.  I'm personable.  I'm literate.  And the fact that I have a sales background wouldn't hurt. 

But no.  I'll keep doing this.  I'll keep doing this until I can't stand it anymore.  I will get back to editing Ugly and the Beast, and then I'll pour more money down that hole.  And I'll hope.  Because that's all I can do.

Because, as I've long suspected, I am insane.

On the Charger

Okay, I told myself that, once I finished Unequal and sent it out into the world,  I would take time off of writing for the rest of the year.  No writing.  No editing.  Just time to gel and get myself back into a writerly place. 

Of course, there's no rest for the weary... or the wicked, if you will... so I'm not totally taking time off.  I have marketing stuff to do and writerly business stuff to do.  Year end stuff and coming year stuff.  (Plus, pay-job stuff.)  The non-creative half still needs to work.

This past week, I got the 2019 Sales and Book Sales Data spreadsheets done, so when 1/1/19 hits and the sales start rolling... err, trickling in, I'll be ready.

The creative half is storing energy.  Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket.  Storing energy.  Like a squirrel.  Yeah.  Cuz, let's face it - my battery is dead.  Look at this time as me putting the battery on a charger and letting it sit until it's full.  Then maybe when 2019 rolls around, I'll be able to sit down and churn out the words. 

And it's not like the creative half isn't trying.  Like the dead battery in your car, it's trying to turn over, but it just doesn't have the energy to actually start.  Little snips of story ideas wander through my brain.  Nothing worth writing down.  No gumption to actually sit here and write anything yet.  Just Rrr Rrr Rrr clickclickclick :silence: Can't even get the freakin' dome light to flicker.

So, that's where I am right now.  Sitting on the charger, waiting. 

Meanwhile, I have a sale coming up.  Starting Monday, the entire SCIU series will be discounted through the end of the 30th.  $3 off on DE, $2 off on FG and EG.  With ads.  And I'll be out there hawking my wares on FB and Twitter.  :fingers crossed:

How's you battery here at the end of the year?  Are you busy busy or taking some time off? 

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Finish the Darn Book

So, this morning, I got the cover mock-up for Ugly and the Beast.  It looks awesome and I approved it. It's super cute.  Jeni doesn't look pissed this time.  And there's a kitty involved.  I am hesitant to show it, though, because the darn book isn't finished yet. 

But the cover definitely encourages me to get off my dead butt and get back to work. 

After I finish editing Unequal, which I really need to do like yesterday.  Today will be a marathon editing day again.  I'm still looking at having this to the editor by the end of the week.  Which is like three days from now.  Which means three marathon days... :panics a little: 

Once I get Unequal off my plate, I can get UatB back on track.  Which, unfortunately, means scrapping most of what I've already written and starting over.  I can do it, but ugh.

Of course, as luck would have it, I also received a packet of work from pay-job that I need to complete ASAP.  Busy busy.  Good thing I don't have any other tasks today.

And there's my life in a nutshell.  Get off my butt and finish editing Unequal, so I can finish writing the darn book and then you can see the cover and then you can read it sometime in the first quarter of next year.

You know, if I don't burn myself into a crispy critter before then.

Stuff and Junk

I last night's writing ended on a plot twist and I have no idea where I'm going next with this.  Which is why I stopped writing last night.  Ah, the joys of flying by the seat of your pants.  I wonder what today's writing session will bring.

This book is currently a hot mess.  Woohoo.

I'm having a flash sale on Friday.  Wish in One Hand and In Deep Wish will both be on sale for 99c/ 99p here and in the UK.  A $3 discount for 24 hours only.  I won't be advertising this because I just thought of it yesterday, but I will be splashing it around FB and Twitter.  Both books were approaching the end of their 90 days with no Countdown Deals, so rather than waste those opportunities, I thought I'd take advantage of them.  We'll see if anything happens.

My sales are sucking hard this month.  I blame lack of advertising.  I really need to do something about that next month.

I went through a period of 'I don't wanna do this anymore' earlier this week.  It lasted a couple hours.  Then I got over it and got back to work.

While I was updating the back matter of In Deep Wish, I found a glaring typo in the last line of the book.  Not sure how I missed it with as many times as I've been over that book, but there it was.  I killed it and the freshly uploaded version no longer has that flaw.  It said 'I've have' instead of 'I'd have'.  I still have to update the paperback version. Blerg.

I wish Amazon would let us do Kindle Countdown Deals for other countries.  I actually had someone in Australia mention this in the comments of one of my posts to a FB group.  I felt really bad that I couldn't give her the discount, too.

The back matter is updated in all but two of my books. Project Hermes and Blink on an I are still on the old back matter.  No a big deal because neither of them are part of a series.  I may be using them as a control for the experiment.  Or I may just be lazy.

Well, time for more coffee.  Got any stuff or junk to talk about this morning?

Derp

As I sat there Tuesday night, having just finished my pay-job work for the day and preparing to start my nightly writing session, a thought occurred to me.  I am about 27K words into this novel and I've hit what could easily be the lead-in for the climax.  Derp.  So, I either need to make some additional interesting stuff happen between the beginning and now, or I need another plot twist.  OR I need to stretch the end out for about another 25K words.  Umm, yeah. 

Now, I am not expecting the final word count to be as low as 50-55K.  If you've been here a while, you know I write pretty lean first drafts.  There's little description.  I have long stretches of nothing but dialogue, during which you can't tell who's talking.  (And I even I have a tough time figuring it out during edits sometimes.)

But yeah, my first draft of this thing should be around 50-55K.  Then it'll end up at around 60-65K and we'll all be happy.

Anyway, the last time I wrote, I was getting bored, so I threw in a plot twist.  Except I didn't ponder how major this twist was.  Until I sat down to write some more words.  Then DERP.

So, I took last night off writing so I could ponder what the hell I'm going to do.  One day off won't kill me.  I have until October 15th to get this done, so it's all good.  I mean, it's not all good.  But it will be.

Just another day in paradise.

Titles

I have reached a point in Ugly and the Beast where the title actually makes sense.  Jeni's ugly and now we have a beast.  I didn't plan it this way.  I had the title and I was scrambling to think of a way to make it make sense.  And when I wasn't thinking about it, it sort of fell into my lap. 

Titles are like that sometimes. 

I have no clue what Cinder Ugly's story is going to be.  This series may be the first time I've ever written books to title.  For the genie books, I had title ideas and I just sort of picked the one that fit after I wrote the books. 

Well, that's not strictly true.  The first book was originally called Djinnocide.  But that title seemed confusing to other people and it wasn't really exiting any agents and then I got sick of myself and querying and... Well, Wish in One Hand seemed appropriate.  The other titles followed the formula, but as I said, they were picked from a list I created.

Dying Embers was originally called Manhunter.  But there's a movie by that name and it wasn't really blowing my skirt up.  So, before I even started querying it, I found a better title.  I had a devil of a time coming up with Fertile Ground after it was written.  Early Grave was a bit easier.

Don't even get me started on finding a title for BloodFlow... err, Blood Flow... err, Project Hermes.  If you've been around a while, you'll have heard the story of changing a title AFTER the book is published.  On the bright side, customer feedback indicates Project Hermes is a much better fit.  I wish I'd just called it that to begin with.  Ugh.

My first book went through so many title changes it would make you weep.  Second book, too.  If they ever make it into the publication schedule, I'll probably keep their current titles - Fear Itself and Nature of Fear respectively.

It's definitely easier to come up with a title when you have series parameters.  Having the first Dennis Haggarty novel as Accidental Death made choosing a title for Natural Causes a breeze.  Then again, there aren't too many other terms that fit for future novels.  We'll see what happens with those in the future.

I'm not sure what my title future will bring.  I have an idea for another SCIU book, but no clue what it might be called.  The same with the next DH book.  Oh well, I'll figure it all out when the time comes.  Maybe.  I hope.

How are you at titles?  Ever read a book where you never did figure out what the title meant in relation to the book? 

The Foolhardy Venture

Blink of an I is back from the editor and I've started on the final round of edits for that (well, final editor edits, then I'll do a final read-through for the little things).  Early Grave went to the editor yesterday.  I should be getting the bill for that today.  And thanks to the spreadsheet work I do, I have the money to pay the bill.

I was thinking about that last night when my brain probably should've been tucking itself in and winding down to, you know, sleep.  If you told me I would bust my ass everyday at my job and not get a regular check for it, I would laugh in your face.  But that's exactly what I do. 

Some... okay, most... would call it foolhardy.  Hell, so would I.  If my daughter came to me with this scheme, I would shudder in fear and wonder 'but how are you going to eat?' 

I mean, I'm lucky.  Hubs has always taken care of the paying for eating and housing and utilities.  He's even funded the majority of my foolhardy venture.  At some point, though, I had to get off the dole.  I had hoped to get off of it by my books paying for themselves.  Ummm... not yet.  There's always hope, but not yet.  I had this grand dream that by the third year of publishing, I would at least be funding myself.  Ummm...  I averaged about $30 a month last year.  That won't even pay for the editing on one book.  Forget covers and marketing.

So, I took up this spreadsheet thing.  It's kind of like taking in other people's sewing.  I get paid by the piece.  Not much, but it's paying the publication bills.  And it's enjoyable, in a teeth-gnashing kind of way sometimes.  Plus, it leaves me time to do my job - which is writer.

Yesterday, I did spreadsheet work in the morning, edited from then until the afternoon (when I got it done - otherwise I would've been editing into the wee hours of the night) and then did more spreadsheet work.  Today?  I started editing about 6am, then took a break to write this.  Whether I get any spreadsheet work to do today is anyone's guess.  If I do, I'll get it done and go back to editing.  So I can publish Blink on or around the 21st.

So, yeah, it's a foolhardy venture.  I'm kind of loving it, though.  And if I'm not making money at the writing thing yet, well, there's always hope.  Although, right this moment, I'm reminded of Dad's old maxim (paraphrased, of course): Hope in one hand and spit in the other and see which gets full fastest. 

LOL

Chicken. Head. Off.

It's pre-release week.  So, basically, I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  Not literally, of course, but in my head, that's about what it feels like. 

My last to-do list was a full page of little notebook paper.  Right now, all but two things have been crossed off.  I started a new to-do list - moved those two items and added two more.

I'd forgotten how much stuff has to be done around a release. 

Last night, I got WHTF formatted for print.  Then I went through all of the Once Upon a Djinn ebooks and adjusted the back matter so they all have WHTF info on them along with links.  Meanwhile, I found an error in the print copy of Up Wish Creek which needs to be corrected in case anyone should want to buy a print copy.  (Not likely, but still.)

I also firmed up and paid for some advertising last night.  And contacted my cover artist with a page count for WHTF so she can do the paperback cover. 

Today, I have to work on bookmarks, updating the back matter for all my other books, more advertising stuff, work on the Createspace stuff for WHTF...  Argh.

It'll all get done.  It has to.  And since there's no one else to do it but me, I guess I'd better quit ma bitchin' and get to work.

What are all y'all up to today?

Keeping Everything or Just Some Things?

I'm a packrat by nature.  This can be a bad thing in terms of space and the fact that I may end up on an episode of Hoarders some day if I don't watch myself.  This can be an excellent thing if I ever need to produce a bill from 2007 or a receipt from 2010. 

Or if I ever need to prove that I wrote what I wrote.

I have documentation of damn near every step along the way - either electronic and hardcopy, and sometimes both.  First draft, second draft, ad infinitum... editor notes, idea notes, etc.

Keeping everything I ever printed from my computer can become problematic, though.  I used to, but the mountain was getting too tall and we were moving and into the shredder that stuff went.  Now I only keep handwritten notes.  In one of the those nifty expanding files thingies.  One slot for each book. 

Except when I get in a shredding frenzy like I did this morning and begin shredding notebook pages before I realize I meant to keep those.  Bleh. 

For the most part, though, it's all saved. 

The notes I keep in the notebook until the notebook is full.  Then I pull out all the pages and file them in their little slots.  (I was keeping the notebooks themselves, but that was a little haphazard since I can use one 5-subject notebook for innumerable manuscripts.)

Sure, I have tons of things I won't ever need.  Like the rejection letters from 2004.  Like any rejection letter from the query process since I won't ever be doing that again.  Or to paraphrase Edna Mode "That was the then, darling. I like to live in the now."  Next time I go through those boxes in the storage closet, I'll cheerfully toss those bad devils. 

Whenever that will be.  In case you missed yesterday's post at The Writing Spectacle, I'm lazy. 

What about you?  Are you a packrat or do you only save what is absolutely necessary to your life now?

Tossing Life Preservers

Why do I post what I post?

Sometimes it's to get things off my chest.  Sometimes it's to help me see my own way clear.  Most times, though, it's so other people adrift out there on the wild waves of the writerly experience can find a glimpse of someone who might be in the same position. 

I get a lot of encouragement from my fellow writers here.  And I thank you for that.  But that isn't the point.  I hear that I'm in the same boat, which is fine.  We all go through it.  I get that.  Unfortunately, I fear there are many others who don't get the same encouragement and who feel they are all alone.  There are others out there who don't understand that there are others in the boat...  afloat, adrift... and they feel cut off when there might be others sitting right beside them.

Writing is a lonely business.  Naturally.  For the most part we're sitting here making stuff up by ourselves.  (Unless you're a collaborator, then you and another author are alone together.)  No one else is in our heads.  No one else knows what it's like to pound our words day after day, week after week, with nothing to show for it but filled pages.  Print them out and wave them around and you might get a pat on the head.  If you're lucky, you get a publishing contract with a reputable house and see other people finally understand.  Most often, though, you're still alone.  And you feel like no one understands.

So, I write blog posts of my experiences.  I try to put it all out there.  Maybe only a couple people see it and they aren't the ones who really need it.  But if one person sees it and thinks 'hey, I'm not alone', grabs onto the life preserver and floats for one more day, then I did my job here. 

When I think back over the past 12 years of writing, there have been many other authors who tossed me life preservers without ever knowing what they did.  They kept me from drowning.  I'm trying to do the same.

Anyway, if you stop by and think I'm whining or bitching or whatever, that's fine.  It wasn't for you anyway.  And if you stop here and find a kindred spirit, if only for an instant, then welcome.

As for me?  Don't worry about me.  I'm fine.  I'm plodding along.  I'm writing and editing and trying to sell stuff so I can continue to write and edit.  Sometimes that's about all we can do.

Stalled

I've been trying to work.  Really, I have. 

I open the file for Early Grave and I go to where I last stopped reading.  (I'm reading the 130 pages I already have written so I can get a sense of where to pick up the writing again.)  I read through for a while until my brain hurts from all the flaws (it's very first drafty) and then I wander off.  I'm on pg70 now, but I started doing this like two weeks ago, so you see how that's going.

About a week ago, I sent Natural Causes to my Kindle so I could start editing that.  And there my Kindle sat on the table where it charges.  Yesterday, I took my Kindle and a notebook into the living room to maybe prod me into getting my ass to work.  Cuz, like, it's taking up half my end table and I have to keep moving it to access the Kleenex.  Nope. 

At the beginning of the month, I read through what I have written on Wish Hits the Fan, got to the end of that, and realized I have no idea where I'm supposed to go next.  I think about it when I'm driving, and sometimes when I'm trying to sleep, but I still can't see my way through.

Sometime in mid-Autumn, I thought it might be a good idea to work on rewriting Fear Itself.  I'm 66 pgs in on that.  But I haven't been able to muster the urge to sit my ass down and work through this.

So, I began pondering the idea of going back to something completely different.  I have that modern day Arthurian thing I was working on.  I was really excited about that.  Or Sleeping Ugly.  That was a lot of fun.  But I can't get excited about those either.  Nothing's blowing my skirt up*.

Not sure what the answer is here.  Not sure what the problem is either, so that's probably why I can't find the answer.  I don't feel burned out.  Maybe it's a combination of things that I won't bring up here because who needs to listen to me piss and moan.  (As if this whole post isn't akin to a PAM session.)

Anyhoo...  I hope this explains a little why I haven't published anything since September and I don't have anything on a publication schedule and why you haven't seen a newsletter in forever.  I'm stalled.  I'd like to be writing.  I'd love to have something to offer you that isn't a half-formed blob of primordial goo.  But I don't. 

Maybe 2017 will bring me some gumption.  But like I said in my Sunday Update, wishing for 2017 to be better only works if you're willing to do something to make it better.  When I figure out what that something is, I'll let you know.



* My great-grandmother was fond of saying 'Whatever blows your skirt up' instead of 'whatever floats your boat.'

Things I Didn't Know Beforehand

I like to think I'm pretty savvy about the writing business.  Lord knows, I've been at it long enough. And I didn't spent the last ten years sitting on my butt writing books in a vacuum.  Nope, I've been out there reading and researching and learning and studying and improving and... Well, you get the gist. 

Still, this first leap into self-publishing has been a learning experience.  I thought today I'd share with you a few things I didn't know beforehand that I know now.

1)  If a reader borrows a book through Kindle Unlimited, the author doesn't actually get credit for it until the reader reads at least 10% of the book. 

2)  Cover art can take what seems like forever.  (I kinda knew this a little, so I budgeted plenty of time, but still...)

3)  Scrivener has ways to convert a manuscript into various formats for different ereaders, so in theory, you don't have to do it by hand or pay someone else.

4)  Where I was using ellipses, 90% of the time I should've been using emdashes.

5)  You capitalize directional places when you're talking about them as a specific locale - like Northern Wisconsin or Eastern Colorado - but not in general (i.e. "They drove north and then east.)

6)  If you gift someone a book through Amazon, they don't have to actually get the book you gave them.  It's more like a mini-gift-certificate they can use for anything on the site. 

7)  You can return ebooks.  This one totally floors me every time I think about it.  I shudder to think about how the unethical could potentially screw authors.  Lucky there aren't that many unethical people in the reading world.  (Yes, I am Pollyanna. I like to think readers are a better breed of people. Don't harsh my happy place.)

8)  All these years hanging out and making friends with other writers was worth more than just hanging out and making friends, because while I am a debut author, I didn't send my book out into an unfeeling world where no one would ever know I was there - because my friends have been awesome about talking about my book to their friends. 

And in the interest of disclosure, as of this morning, I have 23 sales.  I'm not breaking any records, but I'm way ahead of some people I've seen haunting the KDP forums who didn't get any sales their first week.  Right now, I owe that to you - my friends and my followers, the ones who've been with me through a lot of this beforehand stuff.  Because no one else has had a chance to know me and love my writing but you.  This weekend, though, a person totally unknown to me said she was halfway through Dying Embers and was loving it.  Which is totally cool.

Thanks!

The Thing That Shall Not Be Named

I'm in the grips of the thing that shall not be named.  To put name to it feels like I'd be giving it power.  But not naming it doesn't mean it isn't still there, waiting to swoop in and end me.  Like Voldemort.

Melodrama much? Why yes, I will.  Thank you for asking.

I know that this thing I'm trying not to acknowledge won't end me.  Not really.  It will merely sneak out and make me stumble.  It halts my forward progress when I acknowledge its presence.  And yet when I don't, it still creeps into my brain and makes it hard for me to sleep or think or write.  (It doesn't stop me from eating, though, the dirty bastard.) 

It whispers in my ears at night.  Horrible, nasty, crippling things.  And it laughs when I try to defend myself. 

Even now, as I type this post, it's trying to gain a foothold.  To stop me from writing even this.

But I can't let it win.

Still if this thing and its horrible whispers turn out to be true...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Self-doubt is a killer.  So I just have to shut it out, pretend it isn't there, and move forward.

Except it's always there.  And it always will be. 


(Don't forget - there's still time to enter the contest for a gooey, yummy Danish kringle pastry!)