Monday, November 24, 2014

The Thing That Shall Not Be Named

I'm in the grips of the thing that shall not be named.  To put name to it feels like I'd be giving it power.  But not naming it doesn't mean it isn't still there, waiting to swoop in and end me.  Like Voldemort.

Melodrama much? Why yes, I will.  Thank you for asking.

I know that this thing I'm trying not to acknowledge won't end me.  Not really.  It will merely sneak out and make me stumble.  It halts my forward progress when I acknowledge its presence.  And yet when I don't, it still creeps into my brain and makes it hard for me to sleep or think or write.  (It doesn't stop me from eating, though, the dirty bastard.) 

It whispers in my ears at night.  Horrible, nasty, crippling things.  And it laughs when I try to defend myself. 

Even now, as I type this post, it's trying to gain a foothold.  To stop me from writing even this.

But I can't let it win.

Still if this thing and its horrible whispers turn out to be true...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Self-doubt is a killer.  So I just have to shut it out, pretend it isn't there, and move forward.

Except it's always there.  And it always will be. 

(Don't forget - there's still time to enter the contest for a gooey, yummy Danish kringle pastry!)


  1. I told my husband this morning, I have this "troll" on my shoulder telling me why bother going to the gym, I won't be able to go on Thursday or Friday anyway. And I almost listened to the creep! Why is there a part of you that insists on derailing all your hard work? I wish I could zap it to the heavens (or hell).

    By the way, I'm doubly glad I made it to the gym this morning. Came across the most awesome of photo ops and snapped some pictures (which I posted on facebook). Would have missed it if I had listened to the little bugger!

    1. Gotta hate the shoulder trolls, Stacy. Insidious little buggers. Yay for making it to the gym for you! Flicked that troll right off your shoulder!