I Don't Have It

I don't have what it takes.  There, I said it. 

When we're watching sports, Hubs often says 'okay, let's see who wants to win', meaning who's hungry enough to get the job done and win the event. 

I am not hungry enough. 

I've read the books about how to be successful at this.  I've read blog posts on what successful authors are doing.  I know what it is I'm supposed to do.

If I were hungry enough, I would do whatever it took* to generate book sales.  If I had what it took, I would be here at my computer more often and for longer periods of time, writing and editing and marketing - until book sales were streaming in.

I'd join groups and be active in them.  I'd get a membership to RWA or ITW, and be active in those.  I'd get social.  I'd do things in person - like attending conferences and holding book signings.  I'd get out there in the world.

I'd be active on forums.  Not just pimping my books there - which would make me irritating as all get out - but getting to know the people on them and letting them get to know me.  Offering advice and accepting it.  Being funny.  Being friendly. 

There are so many other things I could be doing to be successful, and I know what they are, but I am not doing them.  This is not the behavior of someone who has what it takes.

I sit and think about the things I could be doing, should be doing, but that's about as far as it gets.  So, I guess I should quit my bitching.  If I was really committed to this, I'd do more to make it happen. 

Oh, I could throw out a million excuses.  I have pay-job work to do.  Or I'm 'not feeling it'.  Or Lack of sales is depressing the shit out of me. Or I don't have the money to do what I need to do.  Wah wah wah.  In the end, though, I have chosen this.  I choose to not be 'out there'.  I choose to let things interfere with the writing and the editing and the marketing. 

And yes, I know people are out there doing everything they can do and they're still not seeing the sales. At least they're trying.  If you try everything you can, and you're still not seeing sales, you can still hold your head up. 

So, yeah, quitcher bitchin', Meissner**.  Or get to work and do what you can do... what you're willing to do... and get the hell over yourself.  Accept your fate.

Except I've never been good at accepting my fate. 


* Within reason and legal/ethical boundaries, of course.
** I call myself by my maiden name when I'm giving myself a good talking to.